My year of sabbatical has come to an end. What an intense year too. So many lessons learned, tears shed, laughter shared, and memories made. If I could share only one thing from this last year I would share how incredibly thankful I am for God’s stubborn love for me. He has allowed to me venture with grace some “what if’s”, I watched as He squashed them under His feet and while in the protection of His wings, moved me past my fears, beyond my insecurities, and into a place of complete surrender.
Over the last couple of years being on the west coast God really held my hand and walked with me through a difficult season. At the end of this particular season of isolation and confusion, God opened doors and moved us back to North Carolina. It wasn’t till I was in complete surrender, no longer asking God “what if” questions and instead just obediently listened for the softness of His voice, grabbed His hand and walked the unchartered territory he asked me to. This is still where I am today, walking in some unchartered territory, it’s painful, and the road is long, but the presence of the Lord is deeply intense and sweet.
Part of my “what if’s” was why we ended up on the west coast. God in His sovereignty allowed me grow spiritually deeper than I could have ever imagined. Taking a glimpse, this is what I wrote a year ago this month in my journal…
As I walk this journey marked out before us God, I see you are faithful with your comfort, your love, your peace, but most of all your presence. I am awe struck with you, Jesus, I am so in love with you Jesus. Your presence is so real in and around us that I can't help but lift my hands in gratitude and thanksgiving.
One day a few weeks ago, while pouring my heart out, I cried out to you, "God, why have you taken so much from me, my husband, my security, my life, friends, community, and my kid... how much more must I give you? You know I trust you." Your whispered response... “I want it ALL, I have had to strip away where you were seeking and finding identity and security that was not within me and me alone, for I am jealous for you. You haven't been stripped of everything… you have been given an identity in me, you are my daughter, you are my beloved and I am all you need. Learn to seek me, to find security in me, to rest in me, seek refuge in my wings, to seek me for the love you desire, seek me and you will find all you need, all you want, all you desire.”
I was struggling so badly, I was seeking God, but out of desperation of all I had left, out of desperation of all I had lost. While there was a time when that was all I could do, and that was beautiful to God, He wants so much more for me. He desires a life of abundance for me, not desperation, not loss, but hope, and love so amazing. He wants to grow me, refine me, etch his beauty into my life, and this is the journey he has chosen to do so. I am embracing his love for me, letting go of all that does not belong to me with a heart surrendered completely to Him, I will stand with what feels like nothing, stripped of everything... everything expect Christ and His grace... and it is enough for me. He is enough for me. Jeremiah 29:13 and 14 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord
Can I get an Amen!!! Daily I am seeking and daily I am finding God more intimately than words express.
Yes! You read that right!!! God has delivered us back home to North Carolina, ALL 3 of us. Each day I wake up and just thank God for bringing us back together again and back home. So grateful to have friends, support and our church family close by again. The transition has been a little more challenging than I expected but the confirmation comes daily that this is where we belong. Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, to take him at his word, just to rest upon his promise.
We are rejoicing and giving God the glory for how far he brings Adam each and every day, here is a little moment from a couple of months ago...
So incredibly thankful for progress that can only be explained by the miraculous God we serve.