My heart is so heavy and for so many reasons.
Often I don't understand all that we have to face in a day, I don't understand the mounting stresses and frustrations that have complied on top of Adam's injury. God has asked only of me that I trust Him and place my trust in Him alone. That is all I can do right now, because nothing about life in this moment makes sense to me. All that I am processing through both in Adam's recovery and in day to day life truly makes me feel like I am about to be crushed under the weight of it all. But God is bigger and He is my strength and I am keeping my eyes fixed on Him and not on all the circumstances around me.
While I may not understand why we are facing all that we are facing, God has met me right where I am. My time with God lately has truly been some of the best I can remember, He is truly showing me how sufficient His grace is. He's protecting me in the palm of his hands. He is walking with me through some difficult circumstances and pulling me closer to Him in the process. I am so incredibly amazed how closely He is walking with me.
The last couple of days I have spent processing all that has been going on. I have spent time meditating on God's word and praying for direction and protection.
At the end of last week I learned that the doctors believe Adam is suffering from a brand new brain injury. They believe that the trauma from the 3 brain surgeries, the complications of the fluid and air that built up on Adam's brain, and the 4 shunt and pressure adjustments was just too much for Adam's already fragile brain to handle. This has resulted in new injuries, new deficits, new complications, new challenges, and the beginning of a "new normal".
Adam has had a significant increase in agitation and has been unable to manage stimulation well. This has been an expected turn in his recovery. When his injury first happened I had prepared myself for a change in his personality based on what the doctors and therapists had educated and trained me. I wasn't prepared for it to happen all these years later. It hadn't crossed my mind that it could happen now, years after his injury. But as a result from this new injury we are seeing what looks like a change in his personality and ability to cope with stimulation. I am praying this is temporary. Listening to Adam swear in anger and frustration over and over again all day long is very difficult. Thankfully the Lord has sprinkled some relief here and there. Yesterday Adam had a great day, and was easily distractible... today, not so much. There is no rhyme or reason as to what triggers his anger.
After talking with Adam's doctor this evening she was realistically said that there is no way to know what Adam can and will overcome. He has already come through so much and much than he was ever expected to. No one can look at Adam's chart and read through his medical history and not see that Adam is here because God is working in Adam and not by chance. Medically speaking most doctors can't understand how Adam has survived all that he has. Adam has survived his initial injury, 14 brain surgeries, 2 life threatening infections, 5 craniectomies, facility related medication mishaps, a silver alert, and probably more than I can recall. It truly is by God's grace and purpose that my man is still alive. I can't wait to see all that God has planned through for Adam.
One thing I know for sure is God has definitely had purpose in our time here. From conversations with the staff to Adam's roommate. With permission I am share this... Adam's roommate is a homeless man who truly has been given a second chance at life. We have not only been able to live our faith out, but share it as well. The last couple nights as the lights have been out, he has been discussing the changes in life that he wants to make and I have been able to share God's love, explaining, that God wants to give the gift of His grace through forgiving his sins. I told him there is nothing God can't forgive. I have loved the opportunity to talk about Jesus and our faith, it's nothing short of a divine appointment. Join me in praying for this man's salvation and for his eyes to be open to God's purposes and plans for his life.
Matthew 5:14-16 Message "Here's another way to put it: You're here to be a light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand -- SHINE! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."
PS: Mackenzie had her first day in high school, please pray for her as she walks through this time, and especially because we don't know where we will end up through all of this. I hate the thought of moving her around in high school, but all of this is in God's hands. We will continue to trust Him for guidance and direction.
- ▼ September (3)
- ► 2012 (38)
- ► 2011 (274)
- ► 2010 (250)