Just to get through
Today I'm breaking
Under the weight of it all
And I'm afraid I might fall
Today I'm emptyBut I am willing
To keep listening
And looking for You in the noise
For Your quiet voice
o Are You telling me to go?Are You telling me to stay?
Are You telling me to hold on to You for another day?
Cause I got nothing left
And I'm hanging by a thread
I give You all my weakness, You give me
Cause I'm here again,
Here at my end
Where You begin
Above are some of the lyrics from a song that feels like it was written from the depths of my heart. The song is "Where you Begin" by Mandisa I underlined the last part because I am believing this, I am at my end and I believe when we reach the point that there is nothing more we can do, it is for us to trust God and stand back in expectation of Him showing up in a mighty way, taking control and bringing healing and restoration that can only be pointed at Him.
Prayer is our greatest need as we begin to head towards surgery week. Or what we are still hoping to be surgery week... read on for the details...
As we are doing our best to prepare we are meeting a fair share of obstacles, I want to share these with you all so you have a better idea how to pray for our family in the coming days. Two weeks ago we met with our physiatrist (a physiatrist is a doctor of physical medicine and rehabilitation, this doctor directs and helps guide the recovery process from the brain injury CLICK here for more understanding what a physiatrist does ) Adam is currently working with two physiatrists and together with the rest of Adam's team believe that getting Adam back to his baseline as quickly as possible is going to be very important. The best way they see this happening is through inpatient rehabilitation. Meaning Adam would be in the hospital for roughly 4 weeks to maximize his ability to recover quickly. While I completely understand the benefit and there is no doubt in my mind that this what is best for Adam medically speaking, it's difficult to comprehend living in the hospital again for weeks.
Having Adam home and living life with us is so normal, despite how different it looks now compared to before his injury, it's our normal. There is nothing normal about life in a hospital... nothing. Because Adam has been home for so long and going back to hospital without him cognitively fully able to remember and understand why he is there we have decided it is best that I stay with him. This will minimize confusion if I can help orientate him to where and why he is where he is. It's difficult processing all these changes that are taking place in our home and being separated as family.
All I can do is trust God even though none of this is making sense. I heard a sermon a few months back and the pastor was talking about God requiring our faith, especially when it doesn't make sense. So I am working on keeping my eyes fixed on above, rather than in the mess of the circumstances around me. When nothing makes sense and when troubles seem more than you can bear, remember that God gives strength. He just requires our faith and for us to take our eyes off our circumstances and fix them on Him. Habakkuk 3:19 "The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." I often forget that before we can enjoy the view from the mountain tops, there is ALWAYS a journey testing our strength to it's limits in order to reach the top. But He gives us the strength to endure the climb to the top.
Today Adam had his pre operation appointment to check his blood, heart, and make sure he has no infection brewing. We were a little surprised when his EKG was abnormal. Adam has not had an EKG to my knowledge so there was nothing to compare it to. The doctor ended up doing 5 separate reads on the EKG and all were coming back abnormal. She said she was a little concerned and wanted to talk to the cardiologist. Less than an hour later I received a phone call letting us know that Adam's EKG was abnormal and far enough from normal that had them concerned. Before going under anesthesia they want to rule out any complications. The cardiologist wants to do a echocardiogram to rule out any blood clots that could potentially cause the right side of his heart to be enlarged and could also cause the abnormal read out from his EKG. This has caught us a little off guard so we ask that you pray for Adam's upcoming appointment on Monday. If all goes well surgery will go on as scheduled, if not then we are going to have to adjust our plans accordingly.
Prayer requests that we have:
- Pray that Adam's cardiologist will be able to find cause for the abnormal EKG and that it will not be anything serious
- Pray against any infections or complications
- Pray for no seizure activity
- Pray for Adam's entire team of doctors and surgeons, for guidance, wisdom, and God's strength to be at work in them.
- Pray for insurance coverage for an opening at the right inpatient rehabilitation facility
- Pray for Adam to regain his strength quickly after surgery
- Pray that Adam will return and surpass his baseline
- Pray for Adam's speech and language to be in tact after surgery
- Pray for full use of the right side of Adam's body
- Pray against any hemorrhaging during Adam's surgery
- Pray for all team members of Adam's medical team to cooperate on what's best for Adam
- Pray that this would propel Adam's recovery in ways that doesn't seem fathomable, but can only be described as miraculous
- Pray that God will be glorified in all of this
- Pray that we will be His light where ever we are
- Pray that anyone touching Adam can feel God's touch through him
- Pray that we have abundant opportunities to show God's love not just tell of it
- Pray for me to walk by faith, to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and to trust Him without doubt, fear or anxiety
- Pray for us as a family as we are separated during this time (Mackenzie has been with Adam's parents so that I can be with Adam)
- Pray for Adam's parents as they travel to Washington for Adam's surgery and for their strength as they now have a teenager once again under their roof
- Pray for Mackenzie as she starts her first day of high school in all of this craziness
- PRAY FOR COMPLETE RESTORATION AND HEALING IN ADAM'S BODY AND BRAIN