Monday, December 3, 2012

Sorrow, Seizure, & JOY

I was reminded this week of the gift the joy of the Lord is.  I was reflecting on how God's mercies are new every morning, His grace is new every morning... and so is His JOY for us, it is new every morning. Most every morning I pray for God's joy to fill Adam and I, because receiving the gift of God's joy is what separates us from the world.  When we give thanks, praise God, and are filled with unexplainable joy even in dark hours or circumstances that don't make any sense... we become testimonies of the LIVING God. 

This week has been a particularly difficult week, so many things hitting us from so many different directions... there was a day earlier this week that if it wasn't for a very close family friend I wasn't sure I was going to make it off my bedroom floor.  I was in sheer anguish, pain, deep sorrow, this pain I feel I cannot put words to.  Even as I type now, the tears won't stop.  I laid on my bedroom floor crying out to God continuing to cry out to him for Adam's full restoration, for a deliverance from all these things that are hitting us... as I laid there I pictured myself with my arms wrapping tightly around the feet of Jesus and my head resting on the top of His feet... when I heard His soft sweet voice.  "Look up... This is where you are" as I looked up He was holding His fist tightly closed, I was in the palm of His hands.  I was reminded that nothing could touch me without first going through Him.  Out of desperation I was at His feet, but out of His grace, out of His love, I was being held tightly in the palm of His hands to remain untouched and safe... HE IS MY REFUGE.  Psalm 18:2 The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

The next morning as I prayed for the joy of the Lord to be ever so present and near, I was reminded of the scripture verse in Lamentations about His mercies and grace being new every morning... I realized so is His joy for me and given to me... it is new every morning.  So through my tears even the next morning, again I had the choice to choose joy, to accept this amazing gift I was given.  I am not saying we choose joy and ignore our grief, we walk both.  We walk through our pain, our difficult circumstances, our grief, our sorrow... we allow these feelings, but we walk through them with joy... I choose joy in the midst of these circumstances that make no sense, I choose joy in the midst of my sorrow, I choose joy in the midst of my pain... I accept the gift of God's joy.  I take delight in knowing His joy for me is new every morning.

I cannot dwell on the uncertainty of my circumstances, this creates feelings of anxiousness, of worry... I place my burdens at the cross, I LOOK UP and I trust.  I do what I need to do just that day and don't think to the next, this allows me to stay in the moment, to rejoice in the moment I have been given, I take all my worries, my circumstances, my pain, and give them to God through praying without ceasing.  And this is where I am today... praying without ceasing.  I ask you to please join me in praying for Adam once again without ceasing.  PLEASE.

This weekend Adam and I made the trek up to DC to see Cale and Kathleen, Cale is in an inpatient program at Walter Reed Hospital and we thought it would be nice to see them before they are discharged home and back to Washington state.
Cale and Adam
Kathleen, Cale, Adam, & I
Friday night after dinner on our way back to Walter Reed, Adam suffered a severe Grand Mal Seizure in the car.  This might not seem like the ideal place for a seizure, but for us, it was... we were only one in half miles from Suburban Hospital a John Hopkins Medical center (God provided a great hospital)... we called 911 and decided it was faster for us just to drive than to wait for an ambulance.  At this point Adam wasn't breathing so I know I made the right decision.  We were able to get a medical team out to our car pretty quickly, Adam seized for 22 minutes.  This might sound completely strange, but I felt so prepared for this and I had peace that Adam was okay and would be okay.

My whole drive to DC, I was reflecting on the healing that has taken place this year.  I was reminded that last Christmas day we spent it in the ER of a hospital because Adam had a seizure and how much progress came from that.  When Adam seized Friday I know God was reminding me that He can work this for His good... and I am trusting and believing that.  As I drove home, I know there were other reasons we were there... Kathleen and I spent quite a bit of time in prayer while we were there.  Specifically I prayed for the doctor that was treating Adam, I even let him know I was praying for him.  The next morning when we were getting ready to leave I went to pick up Adam's CT scan and the doctor said to me, "I may not share your faith, but I do recognize that I needed prayer, thank you."  I am trusting God will continue to grow the seed that was planted and I will continue to pray for this doctor.  Often I feel like Adam and I are on a missions field, our missions field are the doctors, nurses, and therapists we come in contact with... every single one of them are being prayed for.

We made it home and we now have a week FULL of appointments and follow up exams and tests to figure out the cause and make sure Adam is okay.  I am praying specifically that this will be a breakthrough seizure specifically for his memory.  PLEASE pray for Adam's memory, pray specifically that Adam will be able to start retaining memory.  Prayer is our greatest need and I beg you all to join me in praying specifically for his memory.

Psalm 28:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Psalm 31:2 Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me.

Psalm 33:20 We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.

Proverbs 30:5 Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.


Anonymous said...

The PEACE that passes all understanding isn't strange to those who walk with Father. I mean, I understand your peace during Adam's seizure. I will meet that doctor in the New Earth. I am confident the seed planted will grow. I am soooo glad you could spend some time with Cale and Kathleen. They are a sweet couple. I love you and continue to trust Father for you, Marion

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you got to go see Kathleen and Cale...thanks for posting the photos! Our family prays almost nightly for both of your families. I wish I would have gotten to go with you to see them!! I would have driven from Sanford to your house to ride with you! That would have been such an amazing experience for me to meet you both. Anyway...since I didn't get to go...I will just praise God that you two ladies got to pray together and bless one another! :o) Wow...a 22 minute seizure?! I cannot imagine what that must be like to see that happening to your husband. Thank you for sharing from your heart about what God is showing you. I DO pray for you and Adam often!! I promise!! (I thought I might have seen you Friday afternoon about 2:00 coming out of the Cary Towne Center at the food court entrance, but it must not have been you. I think you have a twin in Cary that wears glasses! Glad I didn't just go up and start talking to her like it was you!!) :o) May the Lord continue to hold you and give you strength day by day! You are a special person.
If there would ever be a possibility of meeting you in person please let me would be such a blessing! I'm kicking myself for not making it up to Cary to meet Kathleen when she was there...she gave me the opportunity and I was oh so busy that week and couldn't make it! Maybe next time they come, whenever that might be!! :o)
Love in Christ,
Emily Jordan

kyla_ruck said...

We are joining you in praying for Adam's memory tonight. We pray for him every night! You are one amazing woman:)

Anonymous said...

This brought tears to my eyes and gratitude too knowing that He does have you in the palm of His hand. Keep looking up my precious daughter! God is doing a mighty work not only in Adam, but in you and Mackenzie. I love you all!

Love, Mom

Adam & Amy Root said...

Thank you all for your continued prayers.

Emily, it wasn't us on Friday... sorry. I would love to arrange a time we could meet. Adam has a doctors appointment in Seven Lakes once a month and we drive right through Sanford. So it would be great to work something out. Email and we can work out some arrangements.

Mom, I love you!

Kelly Carter said...

Thanks for sharing your heart and for encouraging me in your desperation, grief and pain. I am continuing to pray for your family and Adam's healing.
Kelly Carter