I have always tried to be transparent on this blog, I have bared my heart and soul, I have shared my deepest wounds and today will be no different...
Two years ago we started this uphill battle of recovery. Adam and I have fought this battle together, but in very different ways. He has fought to live with every breath he takes, not once giving up… I have fought for his right to take a breath and for his quality of life. He has had hope to live, and I live because of hope. The last two years have taught me more lessons than I feel a lifetime should. I wouldn’t want to start this journey over or go through it again EVER, but I am so thankful for this journey and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Knowing the depths of God’s love for me and for my family has been the greatest gift I have received and try so hard every day to live it out loud so that others can see Christ’s love through me.
In full disclosure, the last week and half have been very difficult and very hard. Over the last week, often I have found myself curled up in fetal position on the floor in tears over my man’s recovery. I know God could have healed Adam yesterday, He could heal him this minute… and I have been praying for the strength to keep trusting in His Sovereignty. There are so many days I cry out to Jesus saying I can’t do this, I can’t go another step in this journey, and He so gently whispers… you can’t, but I CAN. I am standing today by the sheer strength of God alone. He has never left me, His promises are so real and His presence is indescribable. His love is so tangible, so intense… so amazing. Jesus loves me this I KNOW!
With this last week being so hard, remembering how much our lives changed so fast and fighting to hold on to the memories that seem to be fading… God took brought me to His Word and reminded me of the power of giving thanks. I have shared this before, and forgive me as I share it again… the day of Adam’s injury as Bob, Connie, and myself paced the ICU waiting room at UNC waiting for some news, any news… Connie and I sat and I began to write down all that I was thankful for. Yesterday I picked up a piece of paper and I began again… there is so much joy in the midst of our sorrow. So much to be thankful for. Adam is here, healthy, alive, walking, talking, here to hold my hand… he is here! I love my man and I am thankful for how far the Lord has brought him. I am thankful that I see Adam becoming more independent each and every day. I am thankful that he is home. I am most thankful that Adam knows His Savior.
I am thankful for hope… Romans 8:24 & 25 “But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? Be if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.” My footnote adds "Rather than acting like impatient children as we wait for God's will to unfold, we should place our confidence in God's goodness and wisdom". I am placing my confidence in God and God alone as I continue to hope and believe in Adam’s FULL restoration. I am thankful that my hope is in the Lord, that my hope is not a feeling… my hope is alive… my hope is Jesus.
We need prayers today as much, if not more, than this day 2 years ago. Please continue to pray for my man’s FULL restoration. For those interested in praying deeply for Adam’s recovery and taking it to another level please check out Fasting For Adam