Monday, March 5, 2012

God's Everlasting, Never Ending Love

So, as I mentioned on the last post I wanted to give an update on our family since it's been nearly 3 weeks.  Adam is continuing to daily make progress!  Seeing God at work in Adam daily, seeing God tangibly every day has been one of the greatest gifts God has given me.  I am so ashamed to admit this, but it will prove the work God is doing in my life... several weeks before Adam's injury my journal really reflects where my thoughts were at the time... I questioned God's love for me.  I didn't understand how if God loved me then why didn't I feel it.
Now 2 years later I can't believe there was ever a time that I questioned God's love for me, getting to see Him provide for us daily, drawing me into Him by His love daily, healing Adam daily, sending me constant reminders not just His love for me, but how vast His love is for me.  Now instead of questioning God's love for me, I want others to experience God's love in the tangible way I feel it every day.  God loves you so much and it's truly with tears in my eyes that I am letting you know God loves you, He is pursuing you, He wants to woo you, He wants you to feel His love, to intimately experience His love.  His love is unchanging, never ending, everlasting!

Psalm 103:17  But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children.

Jeremiah 31:3  The LORD appeared to him from afar, saying,"I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with loving kindness.

1 John 4:16  So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

The only way I make it through each and every day is through the grace of God, through His love for me.  This journey is far too difficult, far too much to handle on my own.  There are some extremely intense, painful and exhausting days, especially when Adam is agitated and or confused... knowing that God loves me and feeling it completely engulf me makes even these days blessings... why?  Because, I know God uses it all for His good!  I choose to take God at His word.

Speaking of agitation, we had a doozy of a day on Friday... Adam woke up screaming at the staff, yelling at anyone who would look at him or get in his way.  By the time I got there just a little after this started, he made it very clear that he didn't want me anywhere near him either.  My heart breaks for Adam in these moments, I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it would be to be so confused and scared.  Hours after walking the entire premises of Learning Services and exploring every door, Adam (with supervision) went out to the parking lot and climbed into an unlocked car thinking he was going to drive away... finally I could tell he was starting to wear himself out I was able to come up beside him without yelling at me and I just told him I was needing him to hold me, I asked if he could cuddle me in his bed... we climbed in and he fell asleep, waking up having no memory of the hours before or even showing much sign of any agitation. 

(I wrote the below Saturday)
The brain is so fascinating and I love to see God's creativity through it.  For Adam to experience what he did yesterday morning, yet by the afternoon he was back to being my sweet, kind, loving man.  I am so glad that our darkest moments are just that... just moments.  We had plans for Adam to attend the men's breakfast at our church this morning and I thought I should probably cancel considering what we went through yesterday, but I decided to pray about it and trust God for the answer rather than relying on what I thought.  Last night before climbing into bed I reminded Adam of the men's breakfast at church and he asked if he was going... I said "that's the plan"... this morning when he woke up, I asked him and he said right now, Mackenzie and I are enjoying a moment together sitting at Starbucks while Adam is able to hang out with the men of our church!  What a blessing this is for all of us!  I am so thankful for all those who help us get Adam back into a normal life.

Part of Adam's diagnosis is Aphasia, Aphasia is a condition that robs you of the ability to communicate. Aphasia can affect your ability to express and understand language, both verbal and written. The amount of disability depends on the location and the severity of the brain damage that is the cause.  With therapy and  working consistently with Adam, he has the potential to overcome this obstacle.  We have become actively involved with the non-profit organization Triangle Aphasia Project, TAP. It's one of the most amazing non-profit programs I have ever seen!  Adam gets to work with speech therapists who volunteer to this program and who are specially trained for Aphasia.  It also exposes us to other families who are struggling through Aphasia and because they understand they talk to Adam rather than just me.  They know that he understands everything they are saying, and they allow him to take the time he needs to feel included in the conversations.  TAP has been such a blessing to us.

This jouney has been such a gift and a blessing, Adam and I have both learned an incredible amount, met people we might never would have, have learned to rely solely on God, and learned to take life moment by moment, knowing that's all we have been give.  Rejoicing in each moment as the gift that it is.


Anonymous said...

Dear One, I too, am blessed at Father's love for me. He is incredable. I am blessed to read your blog. I continue to trust Father for you and your family. Marion

Anonymous said...

I am praying for all of you, Amy. I am so sorry for the hard times you have sometimes! God is polishing the silver just as a silversmith would do in the fire...I already see you shining just like gold! You both have (and are going to have even more) such an incredible testimony for God's glory! You are precious! You ought to hear my children, ages 14 and 11, praying for you all during family devotions!! It is precious, as you are!
Praying in Sanford,
Emily Jordan

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this blog Amy. It really touched me. I am sorry for the hard times you go through, but as you said, they are JUST moments we go through. You are in my thoughts and prayers EVERY single day. I love you all with all my heart!

Always praying for you,
Jenn in Jupiter, FL

Anonymous said...

Praying for you today, Amy! (3/18/12). May God shower you with his love and blessings today!
Emily Jordan