Saturday, February 11, 2012

My Heart Is Yielded

These last two weeks have been extremely difficult for me.  There has been so many things hitting us from all different angles it's been hard to keep my head above water and remember to breathe when I do reach the surface.  I've handled this by retreating... keeping to myself and just reflecting, refocusing, and spending lots of time just praying and in the Word.  It is true, God is near the brokenhearted, and when I seek Him with all my heart, He shows up just to write new love on my heart and breathe new life into my soul.

In His loving and gentle way He reminded me of the hope He has given me.  I am so much more than just believing in Adam's FULL recovery, the Lord has given me true HOPE that only He can give for the entire journey.  It's more than a feeling, true Hope exists when even when I feel hopeless, the Hope that God has given me exists in spite of me.  Nothing is impossible for God, nothing is too big or too far out of reach for the ALL powerful mighty God I serve.

The only thing that limits God's ability is my unbelief.  In my quiet time this week He proceeded to show me He has been here with me since the beginning, He will see us through till the end and He will provide His MIGHTY power for everything we face in between, keeping us sheltered in His grace.  He is showing me that a yielded heart doesn't complain or get discouraged when the going gets rough, but instead it can rejoice and give thanks no matter how rough the road gets.  There is always so much to be thankful for.

2 Corinthians 2:14  But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.  Amen!!!!  This is the cry of my heart, that the fragrance of the knowledge of him will be spread through us.

Nothing in my heart will let me believe in anything less than Adam's FULL restoration.  I have faith that God will continue to see us through this entire journey. I stand in anticipation and excitement for what is still to come!  God has only just begun a good work in our family.

We have been rejoicing this week in Adam's progress... MY MAN RAN for the first time this week!!!!  HE RAN!!!!!  I was told that most likely Adam wouldn't walk on his own again, and now MY MAN IS RUNNING!!!!!!!!!!!!  GO ADAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He is officially out walking me, and walking faster than I am.  Pray that my healing will keep up with Adam's!   GO ADAM!!!!!!!!!!!

The Norovirus is running rampant through the area we live in and I was called by Adam's doctor yesterday advising me to keep Adam out of public places as much as possible.  I don't want to live in fear, but I am heeding his advice.  So please join me in praying God's hedge of protection around Adam's immune system.  It has been nice just to be at home and hang out here for the day, Adam helped me work on unpacking our bonus room and weeding through boxes we haven't seen in years.  We also baked cookies and welcomed new neighbors.  Mackenzie worked with Adam on his physical therapy exercises, Adam helped make dinner tonight, and we ended our night with a family game!  I haven't minded one bit hanging out at home, I thank God every day for the gift of this house.  We are so blessed.

We have some changes coming in Adam's care over the next couple of months, I don't want to go into any details just yet because nothing is for sure decided on... please pray for the wisdom necessary to make these lofty decisions.  Tonight I don't ask you to just pray for Adam and for this journey, but I ask you to ask God for the hope necessary to believe in seeing Adam's FULL restoration.
I love this man more today than I ever have, what a gift it has been that he picked me to be his wife.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


March is brain injury awareness month and it is fast approaching, I would like to invite you all to join me and my family for a few upcoming events...

1.  March 7th Raleigh, Durham, and Charolette California Pizza Kitchen is donated 20% of the proceeds to the Brain Injury Association of North Carolina.  Please come out and grab a great bite to eat and help us support our local brain injury association.  If you are not in the area please call your local California Pizza Kitchen and get the dates for your area. 

2.  Join the ROOT FOR ADAM team at this year's Walk and Roll a thon!  March 31st the Brain Injury Association of North Carolina is hosting their annual Walk and Roll a thon.  We are trying to gather the largest team together so please join and or support the ROOT FOR ADAM team.  For more details or to register to join our team please email  The deadline for joining our team will be March 20th.  The walk will be held Saturday March 31st 9:00am  at Lake Crabtree Park 1400 Aviation Parkway Morrisville, NC 27560.

3.  We are hoping to organize a fundraiser for Adam to help with his therapy costs.  We have quite a bit of out of pocket expenses that are becoming difficult to maintain.  We are hoping to hold the fundraiser in May and we are looking for anyone who has had previous experience in organizing a fundraiser as well as anyone who would like to help.  Please email 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MAN!!!!  We celebrated his 30th birthday over the weekend.  We had a low key celebration, celebrating as a family in our own home!  What a miracle and a blessing that this is, that we got to celebrate his birthday with him in our home!  As a family we made a family favorite meal and Adam's favorite birthday cake (his Grandma Ethel's cake).  Adam's friend, Adam Barr and his family came up on Saturday and spent the day with us!  It was such a great weekend!

This weekend, Adam, Mackenzie, and I sat in the living room and just shared our excitement of what God has done for us over the last 20 months of this LONG journey and the excitement of what is still yet to come.  I believe with every fiber of my being that God is still working a miracle in all our lives.  Our church is so great about confirming this in us, it's been great to get to know families in our church and the pastoral staff who are great at encouraging us, standing with us, and believing in Adam's FULL restoration.  This weekend the Lord used a family we had not met before and a pastor to speak words of encouragement into our hearts, letting us know that they are standing with us believing in Adam's FULL recovery and knowing that we serve a mighty God who is more than capable of Adam's recovery.  I am so thankful to the many of you who stand with us every day praying and believing the same thing, thank you!

I was reminded this weekend that finding the things I am thankful for and being obedient to giving thanks is the only way to true contentment in any circumstance we face.  It's easy to loose sight of that, it's easy to look at my circumstances and all that we have lost, but that does nothing but create anxiety and fear, resentment and bitterness... BUT when I can shift my eyes to Jesus and all that He has done for me and all that God has provided for our family, there is so much to give thanks for.  I was reminded of the importance of giving thanks in all circumstances.  It's not only important, but the Word of God tells us it's God's will for us.  1 Thessalonians 5:18 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

True Security Comes Only Through Christ

This has been a very difficult day, like I have mentioned before in other blog posts, this journey is so multifaceted.  There are so many components and balls to juggle, every day this journey is more than I can handle on my own.  I am so thankful that when I am weak, HE is strong.  Where would I be without the strength of Christ?  I don't really want to know the answer to that question, I hope I never find out.  I can't walk this weary journey without Him holding me and carrying me in the palm of His hands every day.

Today has been an extremely tearful day, it started out in the social security office just trying to manage Adam's care... it ended with a letter of termination from Adam's employer.  With a termination date set for later this month, we loose all of our medical benefits... this doesn't give me much time to process and try to come up with a plan.  You can imagine how difficult this was to receive, I knew eventually it would probably happen, but I didn't expect it now.  No matter if you are expecting it, it doesn't make it any easier. 

I have been stripped of everything that I would have considered my security, this was the last piece, Adam's job.  I know God is teaching me that true security comes from walking with Him every day, true security comes from trusting in Him.  My only security comes from my faith in Jesus Christ, He truly is ALL I need, He is so faithful.

After lots of tears today and my heart completely broken, my prayer is just to know God is all I need, He is enough.  He has faithfully cared for us and provided for us this far, I will continue to trust in Him for ALL our needs.  There is nothing about this journey that has been easy or gets easier, but with God's grace being sufficient for each moment we will continue to make it one moment at a time.

Often my prayer requests are for Adam and for his physical and cognitive needs, please continue to pray for his FULL restoration, but tonight I also ask that you pray for me.  Pray that I will know the presence of God with me in each and every moment, pray that I will not loose sight of how amazing and wonderful it is to trust in the Lord with all my heart.  Pray that I do look at my circumstances, but keep my gaze fixed on the Lord Jesus Christ, who is the author of my faith.   I know I am weak, but I know the power of God's strength and I am thankful HE is strong.

Isaiah 40:28-31  "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Wednesday, February 1, 2012


Mackenzie and I at Brookie's Wedding

My sister's wedding was beautiful, she looked absolutely amazing! 

So a couple of days before her wedding both my sisters and I were sitting around the kitchen table for our morning coffee... I had brought up a devotional and we were reading specifically about marriage (I know my die hard readers are shocked about this)... anyway, we were reading in Genesis 2.  Genesis 2:24 talks about a man leaving his mother and father and cleaving to his wife. 

Before I go any further I have to give some background... my sisters both love to cook and most everything revolves around being in the kitchen...  So when we were discussing the bible verse both of them looked at me and made this chopping gesture, I asked what it meant and they said "like meat cleaver".  So we discussed the meaning of cleaving.  Merriam Webster defines cleave "to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly"  We all shared a laugh in this, their first impression of the word cleave and it was so fun sharing with them the true meaning of the word and how God intended for our marriages to be.
So you can only imagine what happened when the pastor read the exact verse during the ceremony and talked about cleaving.  All three of us had to contain ourselves from bursting out with laughter and making a chopping gesture.  Just a funny moment and sweet memory made.

I loved that I was able to share in this experience, although not easy.  Seeing her wed the love of her life and watching them together, it stirred up a lot of emotions.  I just miss Adam so very much and there are so many times, I wish for one whole day of him knowing me, remembering that he loves me.  The physical pain I feel everyday from missing him is the worst pain I have ever experienced.  My heart longs and yearns for my man, my companion, our dreams we shared, a sense of normalcy, for him to know that he loves me and the significance of our love.  I have to believe there will be day that he will be restored.  I will never stop trusting in the Lord for Adam's FULL restoration.

With all my heart I will continue to believe that Adam will be restored and I will continue to battle the enemy against the unbelief that creeps in. I'm sharing this purely out of being transparent, sharing my heart, all my heart. This is not discouragement, just my heart crying out for how much I miss my husband, my best friend... my man.