Thursday, November 10, 2011

Surrendering It All... Again

Before I go into the details of the day today, let me start with yesterday since so many of you were praying for our neuro optomitrist appointment.  Thank you for your prayers, we were blessed to have met Dr. Kavanaugh, a man who really loves the Lord. I love the doctors that God continues to choose for our journey.  Dr. Kavanaugh will an awesome addition to Adam's team.

From the exams performed, it is clear at this time, that Adam is unable to see out of the right side of his right eye and the right side of his left eye. (there is a fancy diagnosis term for this, but I forgot it).  It also appears that there has been damage done to both the optic nerves.  The good news is Adam has overcome so much as it is, that with the help of this doctor and his plan of care it looks like Adam will be able to gain quite a bit from a visual stand point.  Dr. Kavanaugh treated Adam from a very holistic approach and had several suggestions based off of his experience from brain injury.  He is strongly encouraging Adam to go dairy free and gluten free (something I am praying about).  We will go back and see Dr. Kavanaugh next month to begin visual therapy.  Please be praying about this, we do not have vision coverage other than eye exams, so please pray that we will be able to proceed forward with this treatment.

Since we are discussing appointments, Adam has another neuropsychiatry appointment tomorrow, so if you all could keep that in prayer.  This appointments are very exhausting and Adam usually goes under quite a bit of testing which is very challenging. 

Sometimes life just doesn't make any sense... sometimes what we go through doesn't seem to look like it could be for good.  Today was one of those days, instead of focusing on why or how this doesn't make sense, I am choosing to surrender it all for God's greater purpose and for His glory... trusting that He will work this all together for good.  I am not going to go into all the details, but will give a brief overview.  Basically the state of NC launched an investigation on the events that took place with Adam's adventure last week.  In the process there were some complications and for a little while they are unable to have a day treatment program.  They can and are still operating the residential program.  This means Adam cannot go back to the program he was in until they fix what needs to be fixed which could take anywhere between a few weeks and months.

After hearing this I called Gloria (our insurance case manager) and started to pick her brain to see what our options are... there aren't many.  We need to keep Adam receiving the same level of services that he is now and there seems to be no comparable programs here in NC so we could potentially go out of state again for a program.  This just doesn't seem like the right thing to do, it would just be too hard on Mackenzie.  Our only other option is to put Adam in as a resident into Learning Services for the short while until they can offer their day treatment program again (this means Adam will have to live there).  UGH.  This seems like a loose/loose situation which is why I am really having to surrender it all to Jesus, knowing that His plans are perfect.  I can't see how this is going forward, it seems like such a step backwards for us.  Everything we have worked for since Adam's injury was to bring him home and be a family... and after leaving in hospitals and facilities for 16 months the last thing I want to do is go back to that way of life... but right now it seems inevitable.

I have been sick to my stomach all day today about this, my heart has once more broken into a million pieces.  The thought of being separated again is just sickening.  I need to make a decision by tomorrow as to how I am going to proceed, so please be praying for us.  Please pray that as Adam's helpmate I will make the right decision as what's best not just for right this minute, but what's best for the greater picture.

All I can do is fall on my face, throw my hands up and surrender it all... again.  I know God is in control and I know He has carried us this far, there is no way He's going to let us go now.  Lord, I trust you, help me to be obedient to your calling and your voice.  Give me the strength and faith to keep trusting you.  I love you and I know you are in control, so I surrender it all to you.  Give me the courage I need to leave it here at the cross and trust you in the steps ahead.  I just love you Jesus.  It's in your name I pray and ask these things, Amen.


Anonymous said...

Dear One, You just said Father is in control, and that you are trusting Him. If He is leading our days...has them All planned before the foundation of the earth, then He has all Adam's, yours, and Mackenzie's tomorrows planned. If that is truth, whatever direction you seem to be going IS NOT BACKWARDS, but a part of His plan. I can't imagine the pain, frustration...dare I say, anger, you must be feeling. Yet our loving Father understands it even better than I do, and has many wonderous things in store that could come no other way. I am trusting Father gives you the peace that passes ALL UNDERSTANDING, and HOLDS YOU CLOSE TO HIS HEART in a special way this very momment. I love you, Father loves you MORE. Marion

Doug Mortensen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Doug Mortensen said...

Amy, it is alright to question. It is alright to plead. David did it. Read Psalm 13:1-2a:

1 How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?

Yet, a few verses, later, he arrives at this:

5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the LORD’s praise,
for he has been good to me.

Remember to be honest with God. Sometimes it is alright to offer a plea, rather than a hallelujah.

Listen to this song.

Emily Jordan said...

I will be praying for your decision about this. It must be so hard for you. My mother faced this type of decision several times with my father who is a stroke survivor and it was always so hard. I know God will lead you.
Emily Jordan
Sanford, NC

Wanda said...

Amy, I am praying that God will give you wisdom as you make this decision. I am also praying that you will feel at peace .

Vicky Scott said...

I wonder if you might contact the organization that both Ben and Kate, and Cale and Kathleen are using? I think it is something like Rehab without walls? They may be in your area and it appears from the blogs of both women that they are seeing results? Just a thought. Follow your intuition that the Lord gave you. I know you know this is all happening for a reason and the Lord is using it for a purpose. I know He will give you the right answer and continued strength.

Also, I agree (not that it matters) with the suggestion to get off gluten and dairy. May I suggest He is a vet but he has done research on this for over ten years and if you go to the top of the site and into the menu you will see tons of information confirming what the eye doctor has suggested. We have done this for over a year now. The main things to avoid are gluten, soy, corn, dairy, aspartame, msg. You might also research Dr. Blaylock who is a neurosurgeon or neurologist who has also done tons of work on these foods that cause problems because of how they are now grown.

Trust this helps.
Continue to read and pray,
Vicky Scott

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