Monday, November 21, 2011

Honoring My Man and My Marriage

I'm not sure if it's the holidays fast approaching or if it's just part of the course of this journey but I have been missing my man and it seems every where I turn I am reminded how different our relationship is... not bad, just different.

Usually when I get into one of these moods or funks I find myself really focusing my time in the Word of God around marriage and my role as my husband's wife (or as Dr. Laura says: being my husband's girlfriend).  Hebrews 13:4 says "Marriage should be honored by all".  My footnote for this verse says  "Givnig honor to marriage will require the utmost in Chirstian conviction and sensitivity.  Modern social therory may redefine the family and the new definitions may be far from its biblical foundation.  What can you do? Witness to the depth of God's love for you by keeping your marriage happy and strong.  Remain faithful, in body and mind.  Pray for your spouse.  Honor biblical marriage (consenting man-woman unions) by prefences.  Teach children the biblical meaning of marriage.  Pray early for their own for their own eventual spouses and families.  Make marriage enrichment the goal of your small group discussions and study.  Encourage the marriages around you to stay strong as well."

I love the NLT version of Hebrews 13:4 it says "Give honor to marriage".  To honor means: a special privilege that is cherished.  It is a privilege that we were chosen for the ministry of marriage, and an even greater privilege that God picked our spouse for us for such an opportunity. 

When I was studying honor in marriage and what it means and looks like to honor, not just my husband, but our marriage I came across this article on MannaExpress Online... I loved their tips they gave so I want to share them with you.  To create honor (esteem, regard, consideration) in your marriage, begin with small, productive steps in the right direction. Here are some suggestions to help you start the process.  (if it seems overwhelming start by implementing at least one this week)

1. To change you have to become aware of how you do things now and what the new goal is. If you want to love and honor differently, ask yourself how you love and honor now, and how you would like your approach to change.

2. Get free from old, destructive patterns of behavior. Identify the dynamics that affect your behavior. You could have: (a) Learned behavior from your family of origin -- behavior generally modeled by the same-sex parent; (b) Internalized, unresolved anger that spills out onto others, allowing you to vent your pain but never resolve the

conflict; (c) Feelings of inadequacy that cause you to put other people down so you can feel good about yourself; (d) Passive guilt that you use to manipulate other's decisions and actions; (e) Fear of intimacy or emotional closeness, especially if your love has been rejected in the past. If any of these patterns apply to you, ask God

to deliver you and help you relate to your spouse according to His principles of love and respect.

3. Create an atmosphere of "approval" in your marriage. Undergird and support each other and your mutual destiny. Build each other up with your words and actions. Find areas of agreement and build on them.

Show your spouse how valuable and important he is to you and thank God for him.

4. Search for ways to build a firm foundation of trust, creating ways to instill security from the toxins of the world - poison-proof your marriage! Ask yourself what you can do to add security to the marriage: find accountability partners, seek professional counseling, learn how to communicate better, be more accountable with your time and money (be truthful, repent, forgive, get your mate's opinions before making a final decision), tell your partner you are with him for life, speak of your love for him every day.

5. Learn to love yourself so you can stop being distracted by your low self-assessment and can focus your attention on loving your mate and others (see Lev. 19:18).

6. Learn that the "WE" is greater than the "I." What one spouse does affects the other. Ask yourself how your decisions and actions may affect your spouse.

7. Have some fun; get out of ruts (not included in "ruts" are the rituals you both enjoy together). Be creative in finding things to do together. Be intentional in planning fun activities.

8. Pray for your spouse in his hearing. If you don't feel judged by your mate, this will be easy. Ask your mate for specific issues you can pray about for him.

9. Fast. Fasting develops humility (see Ezra 8:21), and humility comes before honor (see Prov. 15:33).

10. Repent to God and to your mate for any wrong you have done. I don't mean simply apologize; I mean be truly sorry for your behavior. Godly sorrow leads to repentance and change! (See 2 Cor. 7:10.)

11. Forgive. Forgiveness heals past hurts and wounds and brings reconciliation into the relationship.

12. Express love with words of endearment and godly actions even if you don't "feel" like it. Honoring God with your vow to love your spouse pleases Him.

13. Criticism equals rejection, but love equals acceptance. The whole world is looking for unconditional love and acceptance. A godly marriage provides both.

14. Ask your spouse how you can honor him more effectively. There are things that are generally honoring to all (for example, not embarrassing the person in public, not interrupting when he is speaking), and then there are things that are personally honoring or dishonoring to your mate.

15. Be serious about your relationship. Don't take it for granted, as if you don't have to work at it. You worked hard to win this person, so keep it up -- stay the course -- be persistent -- run the race until you finish it: "till death do you part!"

Come on wives, I challenge you to join me in honoring your man and your marriage... by doing this it honors God.  I am learning that even when I am struggling with missing my man or whatever my struggle may be, I can still show honor to my man, treat him with honor, and honor my marriage... it's a choice to choose to honor.  You can waste hours on a hundred different things, but you’ll never waste one minute putting honor into practice in your marriage.

PS:  I have some fun pictures from our weekend, but I'm just wiped out tonight so I will try to post them and share about our weekend tomorrow.


Anonymous said...

Simply, Amy, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for putting so eloquently into words what I have been feeling. I love you and am blessed by our friendship. Marion

Wally said...

May God bless you & family today. We thank Him for your spirit. Have a blessed day!

Wally & Marilyn
(Jan's brother)

Emily Jordan said...

Wow...I was out of town for a bit and had not been able to be on the internet. I so appreciate you blogging about marriage! What you wrote was so good and something we all need to hear! Thank you for taking the time to share with us. Praying for you still in Sanford,
Emily Jordan

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