Monday, October 10, 2011

Trusting In God To Mend This Broken Heart

I spent most of the day feeling sorry for myself today... not a place a like to be, but these feelings have a tendency to creep in.  God must just shake His head at me in wonder sometimes... I know it's a choice and instead of choosing the joy of the Lord, I wallowed in my sorrow.  I allowed my pain to discourage me, both my physical pain and my broken heart... no matter the time that passes my heart ache increases and longs for my man.  It wasn't until late in the afternoon, with every step I took causing pain that I chose to tell God that with every step (or I shall say, with every limp forward, I will trust that it is apart of your plan). 

It's so hard some days to see how all this pain, both physically and emotionally could possibly be apart of His good and perfect plan for our lives.  This is where God helps me regularly to trust Him.  I have come to realize we can't completely depend on Him, we can't trust Him, supernaturally trust Him without His help to enable us to trust when there is no understanding to why we should.  All I know is that I have to choose daily to trust in God and His plans, trusting that His purposes are far greater and higher than I know.  I am trusting that though my heart is broken, He is mending it.  I am praying to have the faith to trust in Him even if His purposes are not revealed until He calls us home.  After all we are called to trust in the Lord with ALL our heart and we are not to lean on our own understanding (Proverbs 3)

Author Marshall Shelley, who suffered the deaths of two of his children, writes in Leadership:
"Even as I child, I loved to read, and I quickly learned that I would most likely be confused during the opening chapters of a novel. New characters were introduced. Disparate, seemingly random events took place. Subplots were complicated and didn't seem to make any sense in relation to the main plot. But I learned to keep reading. Why? Because you know that the author, if he or she is good, will weave them all together by the end of the book. Eventually, each element will be meaningful. At times, such faith has to be a conscious choice. Even when I can't explain why a chromosomal abnormality develops in my son, which prevents him from living on earth more than two minutes ... even when I can't fathom why our daughter has to endure two years of severe and profound retardation and continual seizures ... I choose to trust that before the book closes, the author will make things clear."

Even though this afternoon I realized once again that they way I live is a choice, whether I choose to wallow in my sorrow, in my broken heart, or to choose to live for God's plans and for the joy of the Lord... it's up to me to choose.  God is waiting with His arms open wide to comfort me, to carry me in the palm of His hands or I can choose to be discouraged by my circumstances and to feel sorry for myself concerning myself with my lack of security rather than realizing my security comes from trusting God and choosing to live for Him no matter the cost.

Please pray for us.  If you read this blog, please commit to praying for us.  We need continued prayers for mind, body, and soul.

6 comments:

Mary Strynar said...

I am committed to praying for you. I saw someone who looked like Adam today and prayed for him. I call days like the one you had "moping in the Spirit". Praise God you are never far away from Him. He loves you. We have our bad days and for each of us they are different. I love you and know that tomorrow His mercies are new. Hallelujah! Maranatha!

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

God is always bringing you into my prayers day and night. I love you. Your the bravest most courageous women I have ever had the pleasure to know. May this time of sorrow be fleeting and productive. Sometimes it's one breath at a time when a step seems like too much. I know that one day HE will wipe away every tear and you will hurt no more. I love you, you will NEVER be forgotten not by your God and not by me. You are not alone. You are dearly, and deeply loved. Praying for a total restoration for your entire family in the name of Jesus. Amen - Rachel Dawn

Anonymous said...

My Sweet Amy, You know we can't even come to faith without Father calling us and giving us the faith to accept His Son. It trully stands to reason that we at times, have to ask Him to believe for us because we JUST CAN'T do it. There have been several times when I have told Father if He wanted me to believe He was going to do whatever was before me, He was going to have to believe for me, because I just couldn't....sometimesI just didn't want to. I've told Him He'd even have to supply the want, 'cause I just didn't have it. You know, He understands, and then He gently give the peace that passes ALL UNDERSTANDING. I love you and FATHER LOVES YOU MORE and MORE and MORE!!!! Marion

Anonymous said...

Love you Amy! My heart breaks for the pain you are in! Have you covered in prayer.

Love, Mom

Karie Garner said...

I will be praying for you Amy. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. You have been so upbeat and positive throughout the past year, and you have touched so many people with your words of wisdom and nuggets of spiritual truth. You are amazing and such an inspiration to everybody who reads your blog. I think you've found your gift! ;) You really are a great author and do such a good job of encouraging and making people think about their walk with the Lord. Keep up the great work, keep your chin up and keep on doing what you're doing. You are a gift to Adam and Mackenzie and you are doing an amazing job!!!

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