Friday, September 9, 2011

From Sorrow To Contentment

Mackenzie and I with the Barr family while they visited us in Florida

A couple of weeks ago I called one of  Adam's coworker's also named Adam (for the sake of keeping them straight I am going to put AdamB for him)...  AdamB came to Boston and he and his family also visited us while we were in Orlando, Fl.  Not having known AdamB prior to Adam's injury, I know God gave us our visits with him and his family in Boston and Florida as a way to build a relationship so that I could ask AdamB for help in my Adam's recovery in ways no one else could help my Adam.  Anyway, back to our phone conversation... I called AdamB to see if he would be willing to program with my Adam.  (For those who don't know us personally, my Adam has been a computer programmer for quite some time, he eats, sleeps, and breaths programming prior to his injury).  No one else could really tap into that area of Adam's life like AdamB could.  AdamB blessed us by agreeing to spend time with Adam tapping into that part of my Adam's world.

So tonight, we headed over to spend the evening with the Barr family.  Isn't it amazing how the Lord provides brothers and sisters in Christ... you don't have to know them for very long, yet you feel like you're old friends right away.  I just love that!  We had such a great time, Adam programmed with AdamB, Mackenzie played outside with the kiddos riding bikes and scooters, and Margaret (AdamB's wife) and I sat outside watching the kids talking about what a mighty God we serve and how amazing and steadfast His love is.

AdamB and Margaret asked me a question that made me realize I might not have come off as transparent as I would have liked.  They asked me if now that we're home if we're able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I don't believe I am ever looking for the end of the tunnel, I'm still trying so hard to stay in the moment and keep my eyes focused on all the miracles God has already performed.  The transparency comes now... I eluded earlier this week to having some tearful, sorrowful moments.  Being home with my man is amazing and I am so blessed.  It has also given me the first chance to reflect on our journey and with that I am experiencing feelings I haven't had time to process until now. 

Until now, we have been from one crisis to the next... but now having him home, I am feeling every emotion of the last 16 months.  It has been very difficult and I have experienced some deep pain from the sorrow my heart feels... I have also rejoiced and have had joy from truly knowing we're home which is such a miracle in and of itself.  I love the promise that Revelation 7:17 says For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."  Isaiah 25:8 says he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The Lord has spoken.

This journey has been and will continue to be a whirlwind of emotions and feelings, but the one constant that I know and even puts a smile on my face now as I type... God loves me, He loves me, He loves, He loves me... He loves me enough to call me His beloved.  He loves me enough to wipe away my tears, He loves me enough to provide all that I need, He loves me enough to show me each and every day how much I mean to Him.  The Lord's love is unchanging, the only thing that changes, is our ability to receive His love.  I pray all the time that He will increase my faith so that I may experience His love in new ways.  He has been so faithful to answer these cries of my heart regularly.  He truly is worthy of all my praise.  I would endure all this suffering from the beginning again to experience Christ's love the way that I experience it and encounter it daily... it truly is worth it all.   

On days when I am just down and out, missing my man so much, missing my best friend, my husband, my lover... I need to shift my focus from what I'm missing to all that I am thankful for.  Because God is enough, His grace is enough... and when I keep my eyes fixed on Him, the blessings He has poured out on us, and give thanks to Him for all that He has done, all that He is doing and all that is still yet to come... there is so much contentment.  Contentment even in the midst of sorrow and pain.  Having had this conversation with AdamB and a similar one with Dr. Patrick (my chiropractor) I feel challenged to write a new list of all that I am thankful for.  I was doing this regularly for awhile to remain content, but haven't done it in awhile... so this weekend I am going to take some time to reflect, and sit in the presence of my sweet Jesus and just give thanks. 

Keep staying tuned for that surprise I was telling you about... hopefully it will be shared in the next few days.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm not saying we/you are meant to be in the dark, BUT I am not so sure we are meant to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Father sees that. I think He wants us to say "You see it, that's enough", and leave it at that. Sweet friend, Father has you dealing with the emotions now, because now you are walking so you can deal with them. Before they were too raw and overwhelming. You weren't ready. I have a story to illustrate. We first came to Olympia, WA when our first child was just six old. Extended family were GREAT opportunities for me to trust. We were here a few weeks. My husband could NOT find a job. We ended up moving back to Anchorage, AK for three years. Yes, there were many times of learning to trust Father. We were here three years, had I had some training under my belt...I mean learning to trust and PRAISE FATHER in some harsh situations. and such. He then deemed me ready to trust Him with the extended family, and moved us back to Olympia. I would have been crushed beyond hope if we had stayed when we first got here. I KNOW my Dave and I would not have CELEBRATED 33 years togther. You know much of what I have told you, But, I just waanted to remind you. Father has all your days planned, and they are turning out exactly as He wants them to. You are pleasing Him and honoring Him as only you can. I love you. HE LOVES YOU MORE!!!! Marion

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