Monday, March 21, 2011

I Still Have A Choice

I believe Boston is protesting spring... I watched it snow from Adam's window for most the day.  I love the warm sunshine days, and those who know me well know that I have never taken one of them for granted.  There will be warmer and brighter days to come, that I believe, but for now I will choose to wait patiently for another warm sunny day.

I started this journey learning that everything is a choice, and once again today I was reminded that I still haven't learned the lesson completely because I am still struggling to choose to wait patiently.  After months of seeing so many patients come and go home, I remind myself and even Adam and Mackenzie that our day will come too when we can go home... but some days it is harder than others to choose to wait patiently.  Today was one of those days for me.  I consistently pleaded my case to God all day, Lord please heal Adam, Lord please give us a sense of normal day to day life, Lord please let us be a family again under one roof... Lord please deliver us into our promised land... all these pleas and all I heard was... it's your choice how you choose to wait,  my child, I have plans for each of you, for Adam, for Mackenzie, and my work has only just begun, be patient my child. 

I have no idea why it seems like there is no end in site to this journey, but one thing I know for sure, God is in control.  He has provided for us, preformed miracles, He is worthy of being trusted even when there is no end in site... I choose to wait on Him, I choose to believe in His promises, I choose to believe that He is in control of every detail of this journey and all that is yet to come.  I choose to wait patiently on my Lord, it will be worth it all.

When I see Adam and how far he has come, when I see him push himself to the limits, when I see him continue to persevere, when I see him faithfully bow his head to his maker as we pray, when I hear him give thanks to God for everything... it puts my selfishness into perspective and makes me ask myself, how can I not wait patiently?  God has already begun to show me that it will be worth it all to see Him face to face... Psalm 33:20-22 We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you.

I am rejoicing in another good day... Adam gained two more points today on his cognitive skills testing, he ended the week last week with a score of 2 and today scored a 4.  This test is a new cognition test, so I am not sure the ratings, but it scores out of a total of 28 points.  This is a big deal, that every time Adam has been given the test he has gained points, praise the Lord in this miracle!  Praise God that we can see progress every day!  In physical therapy Adam continued to work and improve on his walking ability.  It's amazing to see his muscles regain their strength, every time Adam takes steps I can see improvement in his ability to walk.  In occupational therapy today Eri worked on stretching Adam, he was so vocal and talkative, he said "I hate it when you do that" in reference to her stretching his left shoulder.  He also told her that he didn't like her stretching him... it's great to see him know what he wants and communicate it!  Praise the Lord for communication, every day I give thanks for Adam's ability to communicate now, what a miracle this continues to be.

Tonight while I was tucking Mackenzie in, she said it so plainly... mommy, I love Jesus... all I could respond was me too baby, me too.  So I may have started the day on the wrong side of my thoughts, but I am ending my day with the choosing to wait on the Lord for His perfect timing, choosing to love my man with every breath that I have, choosing to love my kiddo more today than yesterday, and choosing to hold onto my sweet Jesus, I love Jesus.  Praying for all of you to choose to love Jesus back the way He so dearly loves and cherishes you.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy, it's your sister-in-the Lord from Winston-Salem--Sandra. I just want you to know that I had a really hard weekend too. I struggled with my family's trial as well. The cause of our trial is different than yours, but I have the same desire--for our family to have a somewhat normal life, and for our kids to enjoy childhood and have real friends and to love Jesus above all else. I thank you for sharing how you fought the good fight today. You poured out your heart to Jesus, meditated on scripture, and stayed faithful to do what was required of you. I fought hard this weekend and the Lord was my stay--I, too, have no idea when or how my trial will end, but I know our dear Savior is faithful and He cares for our hurts and is guiding and leading. I'm so glad He makes us faithful. Press on, dear sister. Remember Habakkuk 3:17-19 and 2 cor 4:16-18 and our blessed hope of 1 Peter 1. Press on for His glory, knowing that He is faithful and will lead, guide, and comfort. And, He loves our men and our children more that we ever could. You listened well to Mackenzie tonight and those words were precious. Keep listening to her and you will keep receiving the joy of hearing how she's learned wisdom from you and Adam because of Jesus. You are such a blessing to me--hang in there--one day we'll be in glory worshipping our dear Savior and it will all be worth it! I may never see you in this life, but we will know one-another in glory and will smile because of what He enabled us to endure for His precious name's sake.

Mary Strynar said...

On my knees for you, Adam and Mackenzie. Your transparency today strengthens the depths of my prayer. I appreciate when you update your specific needs as you did previously this week. Jack has been praying for Adam's test scores, Sarah for his range of motion and Tim prays for full recovery. There is comfort in the name of Jesus, good job Mackenzie!

Kevin Deming said...

Amy...We are praying for you and your Family. My boys pray for for Adam every single night! We love you guys and miss you!

The Deming Family

Anonymous said...

Yes, how we choose to react...or, rather...respond to what Father gives us, makes all the difference. I have learned to call life's happenings opportunities. The word reminds me, I have the choice of how I will respond. I love you guys, and continue to trust Father for all of you. Marion

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