Wednesday, October 6, 2010

My Weakness His Strength

This morning I was able to be there for Adam's therapy sessions.  He has had a little more trouble this week, but I have been reminded so many times in this journey... one step forward, two steps backwards.  Last week Adam had such a great week and this week, he's struggled a lot more.  Today however he did reach over to hold my hand and at first his fist was clenched then when he moved his hand towards me his hand opened up to hold mine!  How sweet that was.  Tonight Adam was showing signs that he was in some discomfort and all of a sudden Adam lifted his hand all the way to his face, when I looked at his face I could see there was something wrong with his eye... I helped his arm move so that his hand could reach his eye and it looked like he was trying to rub it.  When I looked in his eye, he had an eyelash in there and we were able to flush it out and he instantly relaxed.  He is so much more aware and trying his best to communicate his needs, I am so proud of my man!  LOVE HIM!!!

I want to start by sharing this story that some of you may already be familiar with...

"The folklore surrounding Poland's famous concert pianist and prime minister, Ignace Paderewski, includes this story:
A mother, wishing to encourage her young son's progress at the piano, bought tickets for a Paderewski performance. When the night arrived, they found their seats near the front of the hall and eyed the majestic Steinway waiting on the stage.

Soon the mother found a friend to talk to, and the boy slipped away. When 8pm arrived, the spotlights came on, the audience quieted, and only then did they notice the boy up on stage sitting at the bench, innocently picking out, "Twinkle, twinkle little star."

His mother gasped, but before she could retrieve her son, the master appeared on the stage and quickly moved to the keyboard.

"Don't quit - keep playing," he whispered to the boy.

Leaning over, the master reached down with his left hand and began filling in the bass part. Soon his right arm reached around the other side, encircling the child, to add a running obligato. Together, the old master and the young novice held the crowd mesmerized.

In our lives, unpolished though they may be, it is the Master who surrounds us and whispers in our ear, time and time again,"Don't quit, keep playing." And as we do,he augments and supplements until a work of amazing beauty is created."

I have been struggling to hold on as tight as I can to my Master, I have been trusting that even in the midst of this craziness He is there holding me in my darkest hours.  I am holding onto His promise that He never leaves me nor forsakes me.  Praise God, because I think this is one of the hardest weeks I have ever encountered.  Psalm 20: 7 & 8 "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm."

I am having to tie up loose ends here, as well as prepare for my memories in this home to be packed up one box at a time.  Preparing to move has been extremely emotional...I am consistently questioning... am I doing the right thing?  Is this really the best thing to be doing, giving up so much of our lives and uprooting Mackenzie... it just seems like too much.  Then I am reminded that God has already walked before us, He has prepared Adam, Mackenzie, and myself for this journey.  He has done more than prepare us, this has been ordained by Him.  And in a moment of what seems like panic and anxiety, God washes and ambushes me with His love.  He reminds me that He has given me peace for the whole journey and continues to give grace for the moment.

During the second year of marriage when God was really working hard on my heart and when He began to teach me to be a Godly wife... He revealed to me how much responsibility the role of a husband has.  He showed me that Adam was responsible for our family and would some day have to answer to God for his decisions in regards to our family.  This is a responsibility that Adam always took very seriously and was in prayer often over us.  When God showed me this about Adam I began to let Adam know how much I respected him for taking his God given role so seriously.  I respected every decision he made, I may not have always agreed with it, but I always respected it knowing my man had prayed about any decisions and he knew what he was going to be held responsible for someday. 

These last couple of weeks I have had to make some very hefty decisions and in making these decisions it has made me appreciate Adam's role as husband, head of the home, and spiritual leader of our home... it has made me appreciate him in a whole new way.  With every decision being made, about moving, selling items, uprooting our lives, Adam's care... I pray that I will be able to have wisdom and discernment so that I can make decisions that will be glorifying to God.  I pray that I will remain obedient, knowing God is walking before us and is whispering in my ear the direction He wants to lead us.  I won't give up, I will listen to my Master's whispers and continue to walk forward in this journey, no matter how difficult the task at had seems to be.  I know one day... when I get to see my Master's face, it will be worth it all.


Anonymous said...

Dear Amy, My name is Marion Hansen. I read your blog through Katie Rye's blog. Father, as you have said, is directing your steps in ALL you do. I will trust Father to give you the peace that passes understanding, and a large measure of His JOY. Trusting Father with you, Marion Hansen

Anonymous said...

Amy, You are such an encouragement because you consistently uplift and glorify God in your decision making. He never promised us that the road we walk would be easy. He did promise us that he would never leave us or forsake us.

The facility in Boston is an incredible opportunity for Adam's next growth and recovery. God will also provide everything you and Mackenzie will need during your time there.

God willing, the next major decision will be made by you and Adam together.

You are in my prayers often! Love you much!


Anonymous said...

Yes Amy, God has His hand upon your decision. He sees it all and holds you, Adam, and Mackenzie in the palm of His hand. He will provide all you need in Boston. I pray His peace over you as you take it moment by moment. I love you lots.


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