Sunday, August 15, 2010

Dependent On God

Today has been a very emotional day, lots of pondering in my quiet time. As I sit here this evening in Adam’s room and look at him I can’t believe 3 months ago today was his accident. I am so proud of him for fighting so hard every day. Today as I gazed into his eyes in a conversation I was filled with such gratitude that I am even getting to see his eyes. I am overwhelmed with joy by the fact that I know when he looks at me, he really is seeing me. I am excited that he can make noises, I am thankful that he is on a great sleeping schedule. I am blessed that he is making progress. He really has come a long way in 3 months. I have so much to be thankful for and I am giving thanks to God for this journey and all that He has done.

I am missing Adam so incredibly much there are no words to describe the intensity of the physical pain, sometimes it does feel like this pain will defeat me, that’s how intense it is. I know Jesus knows my sorrow, my grief, my pain. I can’t help but to think of how he felt when he went to Lazarus after finding out he had passed. The Bible says “he wept”. I am resting in the comfort of the arms of my Jesus who is holding me ever so tightly this evening. I take comfort in knowing, He knows.

Adam is such an amazing man, and I just love him so much. I was recalling the night before Adam’s accident… Adam was grilling dinner and I was outside setting the table on the deck chatting with him. As we were both in and out from the kitchen to the deck we made the most of every passing moment with a kiss or a sweet tender touch. After dinner, Adam and I sat outside and chatted for quite some time. Together we watched Mackenzie run around the back yard with a Mason jar trying to catch fireflies and I so clearly remember thinking… my life is perfect. How does it go from that perfect moment to this painful place in such a short amount of time… Oh how I miss my man. I love that he is MY man.

I want to share something that I carry around with me… and tonight I am clinging to this.

As He Protects You in the Storm by Nancy Guthrie

“I hear the longing in your heart for security and safety, especially as you live in a world that is being shaken by so much difficulty and heartache. Don’t be surprised by the hardship, and don’t let your heart be troubled by it. Trust in God, and trust in me. You can find real peace and lasting security only as you find your home in me.

I can give you a solid foundation to build on so you can withstand the storms of life. Come to me, and really listen to what I am saying in my Word. Read it, think it through, dig deeply into it, and then work it into your life. Let it shape your thoughts and values, your priorities and your day to day conduct. If you do, you’ll find that while storms still blow into your life, you won’t be destroyed by them. Your world may be rocked by difficulty and disappointment, but your faith will hold firm.

Find comfort in the truth that I am preparing a place where you will be safe and secure forever with me. There will be no storms, no threats, and no fear… only perfect peace and safety. This sure hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for your soul when the winds of difficulty are blowing in your life. It is a promise you can depend on. Take hold of it and live like you believe it.” (Adapted from John 14:1, 16:33, Luke 6:46-49, John 14:2, 2 Timothy 4:18, Hebrews 6:18-19)

I will remain dependent on God for Adam's recovery, for hope and strength to continue on this journey, and for growth along the

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