Giving thanks in times of trials and difficulty is always a battle of the mind, but this week it has gone to a whole new level for me. Disciplining the mind to take fear captive and remain in the moment is a consistent moment by moment struggle for me right now. I found it easier to take my fear captive when I am able to give thanks in my circumstances. Fear and faith cannot coexist for me right now, if I allow fear to creep in I begin to loose faith. So being able to give thanks also allows me to have faith that God is working all things together for good.
Things I am thankful for in this moment:
(listed in no particular order)
- I was given one more precious day with my man, my best friend... my husband
- I am thankful that God chose me to be Adam's wife and helpmate
- The LIVING Word of God
- The blessing of family
- Awesome friends
- An amazing church body who has been awesome at supplying needs for my family
- Prayers from around the world... I have heard from people as far as China praying for Adam
- Good medical attention and help
- Adam had an okay day
- God has supplied all my needs
- Strength that is not my own
- Hope... because my hope does not come from doctors, nurses, or medical reports... but comes from the author and perfecter of my faith
There is so much more I could come up with, but for now this is a good start. Maybe I will add to it more later.
Adam's day seemed to go okay. His neuro exams were about the same, he is still struggling with consistent movement... but at least we are getting movement. His temperature seemed to be easier to control today, went up and down tonight he still has a fever of 101.4. Both pupils were dilated today and did not get great movement out of them. The doctors are considering putting in an EVD drain because there seems to be an increase of fluids around the injury site on the brain. His swelling has increased tonight and the doctors are keeping a close look on him.
My personal non-medical opinion, I think Adam looks great. He has good color, he seemed more restful than he has the last couple of days. Even though the doctors say this doesn't count... I am counting it... I saw Adam try to open his eyes while they were suctioning him. This tickles me so much to see subtle changes, but changes none the less!
Personal note... please continue to pray for Adam's recovery. Also be praying for Mackenzie and I as this is starting to hit us emotionally. Not only have I been apart from Adam for over a week, but Mackenzie as well. My heart is breaking in pieces... and the pain is cutting deep at the moment. I share this because we need prayer. You all have been so faithful and encouraging us. It's so comforting in knowing I can count on so many people lifting us up. I know God is in control and and I know he is faithful in being my feet right now to carry me through this, since I am not capable of walking this journey with my own two feet...
Here is my heart God, you can have it all. Refine me and and purify me so that I may become more like you through this journey. Help me to keep my eyes on you, even in the darkest, most difficult moments. Here I am God, use me. Amen