Wednesday, May 26, 2010

God Is Love

Today seems like it has been a particularly long day and for no certain reason... well... other than the pure exhaustion I am feeling from a lack of sleep. Thankfully, God sustains me hour by hour even in my sleep deprivation I am given the grace I need to make it to the next moment.
Words cannot express the overwhelming heartache I am experiencing in the absence of my best friend, my lover... my husband. I miss him so much that every fiber of my being physically aches. Please don't get me wrong... I experience the joy of the Lord and hope beyond what I thought would be possible... but somehow sorrow is in the midst of my joy today.

Adam's day was somewhat unchanged. His heart rate kept dropping down into the 30's and his blood pressure was high. The doctors gave him medication to help drop his blood pressure and that seems to be working, and the doctors don't seem to be too concerned about his heart rate for now, they said it's fairly normal for all that he is experiencing. He again started leaking CSF (cerebrospinal fluid) out his sutures again today, why it's not coming out of his EVD (external ventricular drain) they don't know. The doctors just decided they will keep an eye on it for a bit. I am realizing that this is a journey of a lot of waiting and little answers. Adam didn't respond in his exams today, but I am still holding onto the fact that he did yesterday. Overall today Adam seemed restful. Keep praying, I believe God is rebuilding Adam from the inside out.

Part of me wonders... while Adam is not with me, is he getting a glimpse of heaven? The thought that came to mind today was... God is love. What if he is getting a tangible glimpse of that love? While I hope all who read this blog see a glimpse of my love for Adam, it would not be possible without a love for Christ first and foremost. 1 John 4 (bits and pieces) "Let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is make complete in us." I believe the only way to love, truly love is to know God because He is love. In my life I have felt broken so many times, but when I return to the feet of Jesus I am made complete in his love.

If we truly know God, we will love as he loves us.


jodi_96 said...

Amy, thank you so much for keeping us updated. I visit your blog multiple times a day to see how you and Adam are doing. I am reading a book that I would LOVE to send to you. Would you email me the address that would be best for me to use? Thank you! We're lifting your whole family up in prayer daily.

Jodi Steele

Matthew and Leslie said...

Amy, you don't know me, but I am a freind of Hillary. I have prayed for you and your family. I will continue to pray, but I want you to know that you have encouraged me today. Your love for Adam and for the Lord is beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Dear Amy: The words you write are beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart with others. I look forward to checking your blog each day for updates. My prayers continue for you and Adam and your family.

The verse you quoted from John is special to me; it was a favorite of my late husband Dick. One of his pet sayings for folks, whether church friends or family, was, "God told us to love one another and you make it real easy." :-)

As I was driving to work this morning my heart was heavy with burdens for many and suddenly I began praising the Lord for His goodness and power and presence and was so uplifting!

My verse for you tonight is: "Blessed be the Lord who daily bears our burdens." Ps. 68

Love and Cyber-Hugs, Colette

Rachel Newby said...

My dear friend may you sleep in the arms of the Lords tonight - that is my prayer for you. May you find rest for your very weary soul. Love you! Rachel Dawn = )

Terada Family said...

Amy, I have been wondering the same thing. Is Adam getting a glimpse of heaven? Is he having an encounter with our Savior? It encourages my heart to think about the testimony he will have to share with us!

You have inspired our whole family to draw closer to God. We love you and are praying night and day for both you and Adam.

Love and Blessings,

Wendy said...

Amy, today is your usual Gateway day and I just wanted to let you know that we are continually keeping you and Adam and Mackenzie in our prayers and seeking the Lord's face on your behalf. We miss you girl, but the Lord has you right were He wants you. My prayer continues to be for an amazing measure of comfort, strength and energy for you, for a physical miracle for Adam and for the many spiritual miracles that the Lord has already purposed will come through all of this. Praise His name!


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