Words cannot express the overwhelming heartache I am experiencing in the absence of my best friend, my lover... my husband. I miss him so much that every fiber of my being physically aches. Please don't get me wrong... I experience the joy of the Lord and hope beyond what I thought would be possible... but somehow sorrow is in the midst of my joy today.
Adam's day was somewhat unchanged. His heart rate kept dropping down into the 30's and his blood pressure was high. The doctors gave him medication to help drop his blood pressure and that seems to be working, and the doctors don't seem to be too concerned about his heart rate for now, they said it's fairly normal for all that he is experiencing. He again started leaking CSF (cerebrospinal fluid) out his sutures again today, why it's not coming out of his EVD (external ventricular drain) they don't know. The doctors just decided they will keep an eye on it for a bit. I am realizing that this is a journey of a lot of waiting and little answers. Adam didn't respond in his exams today, but I am still holding onto the fact that he did yesterday. Overall today Adam seemed restful. Keep praying, I believe God is rebuilding Adam from the inside out.
Part of me wonders... while Adam is not with me, is he getting a glimpse of heaven? The thought that came to mind today was... God is love. What if he is getting a tangible glimpse of that love? While I hope all who read this blog see a glimpse of my love for Adam, it would not be possible without a love for Christ first and foremost. 1 John 4 (bits and pieces) "Let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is make complete in us." I believe the only way to love, truly love is to know God because He is love. In my life I have felt broken so many times, but when I return to the feet of Jesus I am made complete in his love.
If we truly know God, we will love as he loves us.