I grew up in the church and for the most part hated it. I never fit in, and my impressions of Christians were you had to fit into the right clique and/or you were a hypocrite. I am admitting to being a hypocrite, I called myself a christian for many years but had no idea what that meant. It was something I was brought up being forced to think I had to be one, not really understanding it's a choice not something you are born into. I drifted through life being able to talk the talk when I wanted to but by no means did I walk the talk.
In my younger years, middle school in particular, I never fit in. I was out-casted, teased, and even bullied at times... I thought if God loved me, really loved me than my life wouldn't be this bad. As I entered high school I was looking for the wrong kind of attention and was not be guided otherwise because my parents marriage after 20 some odd years was falling apart that I was able to slip on by. In high school I remember thinking my family is suppose to be a christian family and yet there is so much hatred, anger, bitterness, and sin there was no room for love. I strayed far away from God, church, and anything related.
Years later and many life lessons later I was a single parent of an amazing little girl (she still is amazing, I'm just not a single parent any more, praise the Lord!) This little 4 year old asked me why she didn't go to Sunday School like the other kids in her childcare, I told her that Sunday School wasn't for everyone and she kept persisting, my mom had taken her to Sunday School once or twice and she then asked if grandma could take her. At the time my mom and I were not seeing eye to eye so there was no way I was going let my mom take my little girl to Sunday school, if anyone was going to take her to Sunday school it was going to be me... I was just a little stubborn.
The part that I left out was 3 years prior I had a horrific experience in the church where a pastor was not trained well in a particular situation and gave some horrible advice and I vowed that I was never going back to church.
I picked one of the largest churches in the Seattle area (about 10,000 members) and we went to church thinking I could hide, it was so big how could anyone notice if I was coming or going. I wasn't going to church for me I was going to so my daughter could go to Sunday school and get it out of her system, God had other plans for us. You see my daughter met a little friend that day whose parents started holding me accountable for coming to church, but they didn't stop there... they came along side of me and partnered with me and began to show me what Christians were suppose to be like. And 4 years ago on February 20, 2005 I gave my life to Christ once and for all in that very church with that family embraced around me. I have grown a lot in these last 4 years, and I am so excited to see how God is going to continue to grow me and draw me closer to Him.
"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved" Ephesians 2: 4 & 5
A grace that I don't deserve, yet I have... I will forever be in awe of my Savior and Redeemer.
Until next time my the Lord keep you and show you His love for you everyday.